Beginners Guide to Cultivating Healthy Female Sexuality
There are many misconceptions and inaccurate stereotypes about female sexuality. We will explore some of these, as well as some of the best ways to cultivate healthy female sexuality, in this beginner's guide to women's sexual satisfaction.
Myths and Misunderstandings About Female Sexuality
There are various myths about female sexuality that simply don't describe reality, some of them contradictory. Until recent decades, the most pervasive idea was that women are not sexual creatures. The popular idea was that sex is just something that women put up with in order to please her husband and have children. We know now that this idea is nowhere near to the truth.
Although the idea that women just don't want sex has become somewhat obsolete in recent decades, this myth has been replaced with other myths about what women want. Because male-oriented pornography, which very infrequently provides an accurate view of what women want, has become more and more mainstream since the mid-1900s, many men are left clueless as to what women really want. Rather than anything you would see in a pornographic film, what really satisfies women sexually and promotes healthy female libido is emotional intimacy.
Emotional Intimacy: The Key to Great Sex
In general, women need a happy, secure relationship with plenty of emotional intimacy in order to enjoy sex to the fullest. Emotional intimacy matters more than the physical aspects of sex. A typical woman's sexual satisfaction is about 80/20—that is, 80 percent based on emotional connection and 20 percent based on physical things like sexual technique. This requirement for emotional intimacy stands in contrast to the average male sexuality. Although most men enjoy emotional intimacy itself a great deal, most men don't need this closeness in order to desire sex. To illustrate this more concretely, women are unlikely to want sex after an argument, while men won't find the conflict in the air puts a damper on their sex drive.
When emotional intimacy is lacking, a woman's desire to have sex can vanish. However, in a well-bonded, intimate relationship, the connection that the couple shares will lead to the most fun, enjoyable and satisfying sex possible.
Cultivating Closeness
Emotional intimacy is created through several different pathways, all of which are equally important. The first thing you should cultivate in your relationship is open communication. Learning your partner's preferences, perspectives, opinions, thoughts and goals is important because in order to be intimate with someone, you have to know who they really are and what they really think. This goes the other way; share these things with your partner as well.
The healthiest and happiest relationships occur when both partners have good conflict-resolution skills. It is important to not take disagreements personally or to lash out at your partner in anger. The open communication that you hopefully have established will help you to resolve conflicts. If a feature of your relationship is regular conflict, especially conflict that is recurring and that the two of you can't seem to solve on your own, you should consider couple's counseling.
Always treat your partner with kindness and consideration, and make an effort to meet her needs. Spending quality time with her on a regular basis is a great way to ignite the fire in your relationship and to keep it lit. A good way to think of it is that every positive thing you do in your relationship is foreplay—emotional foreplay. The big things, like communication and conflict resolution, matter a lot, but so do all of the little things, like giving her a kiss goodbye in the morning, sending her an affectionate text message, or cooking her favorite meal.
As far as the physical aspects of sex go, a woman often is most satisfied if she and her partner stop viewing orgasm as a goal that needs to be reached. It's good to relax fully and simply focus on the pleasurable sensations happening in the moment, rather than focusing on trying to reach orgasm.
Women's Sexual Needs Differ
The description of female sexuality in this article only represents the average woman. There is a great deal of individual difference from woman to woman. Some women may need even more emotional intimacy than average in order to be sexually satisfied, while some women may not need any at all. The 80/20 rule previously described may apply to one woman, but be more like 30/70 for another woman. Of course, the only way to determine how much emotional intimacy your partner needs is to communicate with her about it.
Aside from this continuum of emotional intimacy needs, there are other individual preferences that may need to be fulfilled in order her to be satisfied. Perhaps she needs to be totally relaxed in order to enjoy sex. Perhaps needs specific sex acts such as receiving oral sex. Perhaps she needs to be kissed a lot in bed. There are virtually infinite other possibilities. Again, since everyone is a unique individual, the only way to know how to truly satisfy your partner is to communicate. Ask her about her likes, dislikes and needs.
