Self Esteem and Libido: It's Complicated

What do you see reflected in your partner’s eyes when you’re with them? Hopefully they’re brimming with respect, love and support. While those are all wonderful sentiments, do you feel that you deserve those accolades? The reason this answer is important is because your self-esteem can play a critical role in maintaining your relationship. It can also have an impact on your sexual satisfaction and libido.

Do You See Yourself as Worthy?

Self-esteem is the opinion you have of yourself. Having too little of it can leave you feeling depressed and unworthy. If you don’t feel good about yourself, you may not think that you deserve to feel happy in life. Extremely low self-esteem can also have an impact on your sexuality.

The Inability to Have Good Sex

Do you perceive yourself as a sexual being? Do you feel sexually appealing when you’re naked? What is your take on initiating sex with your partner? When you’re in bed with someone, do you feel competent making love to them? Every one of these important factors play a significant role in your sexual self-esteem.

In an ideal situation, your sexual self-esteem should be high. However, if you’ve been sexually harassed, abused emotionally or physically harmed, your sexual self-esteem could have taken a major hit. As a matter of fact, you may be so damaged that the past negative experiences are preventing you from enjoying sex.

Low Sexual Self-Esteem

If your self-esteem is at an all-time low, you may have difficulties with sex. This could include problems related to finding a loving relationship that you deserve and being able to ask for what you want sexually. A woman with low sexual self-esteem may also participate in high-risk behaviors such as having unprotected sex with a multitude of partners.

Society today places great value on youth and beauty. If you’re middle-age or beyond, this can put a damper on how you perceive yourself. If your sexual preferences are on the adventurous side, you may also be less willing to share these ideas with your partner for fear of rejection.

Poor Body Image

Whether you only feel comfortable having sex in the dark or you don’t like taking your clothes off, having a poor self-image can leave you feeling sexually unattractive. Age, weight and minor imperfections can have an impact on your body image.

A recent study found that women who were overweight felt less inclined to get undressed than men. They also had the least amount of desire when it came to having sex. Because of their lack of self-esteem, they also had difficulty with their sexual performance and found it a challenge to enjoy sex. Individuals with low self-esteem also were less willing to seek treatment for their inadequacies.

Making a Commitment

No matter your age, weight, hair color or what occurred in the past, wouldn’t you like to make the commitment to work on your sexual self-esteem? Instead of focusing on negative or previous criticisms, wouldn’t it be nice to have a better body image that is both beautiful and confident?

While you may want to master this on your own, a knowledgeable and trustworthy therapist can provide the right assistance. However, before you go this route, you want to make sure that they have the right qualities. In addition to finding someone nearby and who is licensed within your state, they should also have experience handling low sexual self-esteem issues. If they don’t know what you’re talking about, you'll know to continue with your search.

If you’re already in a committed relationship, and you’ve found a therapist that you feel comfortable working with, you may want to bring your partner along. You’re not alone when it comes to low sexual self-esteem issues and in order to find a proper resolution, your therapist can offer suggestions on how to handle this as a couple. You may also want to consult with your physician to rule out any physical health concerns. They may be at the center of your lack of sexual desire.

Now that you’ve come to terms with your low sexual self-esteem, we encourage you to do your best to raise it. Every woman should be rewarded with a healthy and happy sex life.