Seven Reasons Your Spouse May Be Avoiding Sex
When you suspect that your partner is avoiding sex, it can leave you feeling rejected and confused. Here are seven possible reasons your partner may not be feeling it in the bedroom.
1. Relationship Problems
Arguments, fights, disagreements and hurt feelings all interfere with intimacy. Work to resolve these issues before expecting your sex life to go back to normal. This may require the assistance of couples' counseling, so be willing to take that step if it's necessary. However, there may be relationship issues you're not even aware of. Your spouse could be harboring resentment toward you and in order to find out what the problem is, it's inevitable that you'll have to open up better communication.
2. Your Spouse Could Be Avoiding Sex Because of Performance Anxiety
When it comes to sex, there are a lot of expectations that can be involved. If a person is insecure or tends to be anxious, these expectations can produce performance anxiety. Some of these anxieties are understandable, but some are unrealistic expectations reinforced by the idealism of pornography and other mainstream media. Your spouse could be worried about lasting long enough, being good enough at oral sex, or any other number of things. Reassure your partner that there's nothing to worry about and that you enjoy sex with your partner no matter what.
3. Low Libido
It's possible that the reason your spouse has been avoiding sex has nothing to do with you or any other external circumstance. Low libido can be caused by a wide variety of physical issues and ailments. Obesity, diabetes, thyroid issues, hormonal imbalances and chronic pain are examples of medical issues that could cause low libido. The brain chemical imbalance caused by conditions such as depression and anxiety can also cause a drop in sex drive. Underlying conditions such as these need to be treated in order for your spouse to get their libido back. Lots of sleep, plenty of exercise, a good diet and scientifically-proven dietary supplements like ginseng and maca can boost the sex drive even more.
4. Life Stress
Life can be stressful. This is true throughout college, early adulthood, parenthood and hectic mid-life careers. Stress will put a damper on your sex drive not only because your problems are always on your mind, but also for a physical reason. Chronic stress causes the adrenal glands to produce large amounts of the hormone cortisol. Over time, this can exhaust the adrenal glands, potentially keeping them from producing adequate amounts of other hormones such as testosterone and estrogen, sex hormones responsible for libido. It's important to relieve stress in a healthy, sustainable way in order to keep your hormones and your sex drive where you want them to be. Examples of great ways to reduce stress include exercise, yoga, massage, taking a luxurious bath, outdoor leisure, and yes, even sex.
5. You've Changed
Most people are not willing to consider that they might actually be the problem. Communicate openly with your partner to find out if this may be the case. You might have developed a bad attitude or become more bitter or snappy. You may have experienced other changes that are, without your realizing it, affecting your spouse's attraction to you. Whatever the problem is, be willing to keep an open mind. Although it may hurt your ego to find that, don't get defensive and consider that reversing negative changes may turn your sex life around.
6. The Sex Is Bad
If the sex itself is lackluster, there is little motivation to do the deed. Enthusiasm and sexual generosity will go a long way toward satisfying your partner. It's also crucial to communicate openly about each other's preferences, likes, dislikes and fantasies. If you partner thinks sex with you just isn't enjoyable for whatever reason, don't take it personally and try not to get defensive. Keep an open mind and be willing to be open to your partner's needs and desires—and expect that he or she do the same!
7. Body Image Issues
When you don't feel good about the way you look, you probably won't be in the mood. Contrary to what mainstream culture might have you believe, body images issues affect men just as much as women. If your spouse has body image issues, they could be avoiding sex consciously or unconsciously. Help your loved one feel good about him or herself with genuine compliments and tender physical affection. However, if your spouse's body image issues are severe, this probably isn't something you can tackle on your own. Professional therapy is more suitable in this case.