As we get older, a variety of worries may begin to demand our attention—from retirement, health and concerns about our grown kids, to being able to take that perfect vacation that we’ve always wanted. But there’s one common worry that we don’t feel so comfortable talking about: our sex lives. However, there’s no need to stress as we’re going to share a few great secrets sexually active seniors know that keep your sex life alive and kicking long after 50!
Sexually active seniors enjoy sex more.
Let’s start out with the science behind this. And yes, there is science that suggests sexually active seniors enjoy sex more than their younger counterparts! Many doctors and sex therapists have reported that seniors can and do enjoy healthy sex lives. One sex therapist, Dr. David Schnarch, has even stated that the best sex you’ll have actually comes later in life. He breaks people down into two groups: those at the peak of their genital prime (think young adults in their 20s) and those at the peak of their sexual prime (think 30s to 40s and up). In fact, a university study polled people over 60 and found that a majority were still very much enjoying sex and sexual activities and were quite happy and satisfied with their lives.
Accept yourself as you are.
Accepting yourself as you are is an important part of having a healthy sex life. In fact, it’s one of the biggest keys to helping you enjoy yourself and your partner. Author of The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50: How to Maintain – or Regain! – a Spicy, Satisfying Sex Life and sex advocate Joan Price has gone on record as saying that “changes [in] our bodies [don’t mean it’s] a dead-end to sex [because] every problem [has] a solution with education and the spirit of adventure.”
This can include taking supplements or prescriptions, using lubricants or even doing stretching exercises. It also means that sometimes you have to plan sex. When you accept yourself as you are, you can enjoy sex more. You have a better understanding of how your body works and what types of sex you enjoy.
Enjoy all of your sexual desires.
It’s easy to fall into a routine. But as we age, we have to change our routines. Far from being scary, this can be incredibly fun and erotic. Now is the time to try out new positions, indulge in foreplay, tantric touching and explore the wonderful world of adult toys. Not only will this help spice things up, it can help you enjoy sexual activities without having full intercourse. This is great because it can help you fulfill your sexual desires even if you have physical issues that might hinder your enjoyment of sex.
Go on dates and rediscover your passion.
You love your partner or spouse. You share everything with them. They’re your best friend. You’re comfortable with them. When we’re comfortable, we’re not tempted to change things up. Why should we? Well, perhaps to recapture that flame. Part of why older folks don’t have sex is because they’re not inclined to. They’ve been there and done that.
Don’t give up on the love you share in the bedroom. It really doesn’t have to be an either-or situation. Go on dates, have fun, be kids again. Not only will you discover more things about your partner, it will reinvigorate your passion and lead to a much more fulfilling sex life.
Ditch your worries.
Part of getting older and getting to know yourself is that you don’t have to worry as much anymore. When you know what you want, you don’t have to worry about the silly things. By now, you’ve gained confidence, know a few killer moves and understand what you want and like. Men have an especially easy time adjusting to the “no worries” phase of age and sex.
Women may struggle with it at first. We’re told from the moment we hit puberty that our beauty will fade and that youth is sex. However, The New Hite Report (2000) made it clear and official: Women get sexier with age. They find it easier to have multiple orgasms and even have an increased sexual capacity or arousal with age. So ditch the worries and enjoy being the same sexual creature you’ve always been.
Be open about your wants and needs.
While this seems like the kind of advice you’ve probably heard before, it’s actually even more important in your later years. If you want sex, talk to your partner. But if you have trouble with the actual act of intercourse, that should be discussed, too. Talking to your spouse about what you want and need out of your sex life together will not only bring the two of you closer together, it will help your sex life.
For example, if you want to have sex but you have trouble with lubrication, explain the situation to your partner and see about tantric touching, cunnilingus and maybe some flavored lube. The same applies if you suffer from erectile dysfunction (ED). Be open, honest, and talk about what you want and what you feel up to!
Take the time to prepare yourself.
You may already know that this is a very important part of staying sexually active. Whether you need a few hours of advanced notice to pop the little blue pill, you need to add a little lube beforehand or do a few stretches to get yourself limber, taking the time to do it is important. Not only does it help you actually perform sexual acts, it helps you enjoy them so much more. This may mean that you have to plan a little, but it can easily be made fun by going on a date while you wait for the effects of medication to kick in.
Learn to laugh.
Just like when we were kids, there are going to be awkward or potentially embarrassing incidents. Whether an erection just can’t happen, or simply won’t go away, or you just can’t finish, learn to laugh. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Learning to laugh at yourself, each other and together can help you bond. It also makes talking about actual problems in the bedroom easier.
Reaffirm and bond.
Take the time to reaffirm your attraction to your partner. Let your spouse know that you still find them very sexy and that you love them. If you’re just getting back into sex after a long dry spell, it may be especially important to let your partner know on days that you just don’t feel up to sex. Make it a bonding experience that brings you closer together.
You are still just human.
Part of the problem with sex as you get older is the stigmas surrounding it. No one really chooses to dwell on whether grandma and grandpa get down and dirty. To many, seniors are somehow seen as precious, sexless things. Even our friends may find it off-putting. We aren’t kids, so why are we acting like it? If you’re already having sex, you’ve probably heard some sort of criticism against it.
But the fact is, you are who you have always been. You enjoyed sex when you were young, and when you were younger. Why shouldn’t you enjoy sex now? If your retirement years are meant to be enjoyed, then every aspect should be indulged in. Rather than limiting yourself, your happiness and your fulfillment based on stigmas (which are quickly being put to shame), be proud and happy. You deserve it!
Despite what our youth-driven society believes, getting old isn’t terrible. And it certainly doesn’t mean that we can’t indulge in a healthy, happy and satisfying sex life!