How Maintenance Sex Can Tune Up Your Libido and Relationship
Low libido zaps your desire for sex, but that's not the only reason why you might find it difficult to make love regularly. Leading a hectic, busy lifestyle is another common culprit behind a "dead bedroom." If you live such a lifestyle, chances are that on the rare occasions when you and your partner are both alone at home, you are probably too tired from your day to take advantage of this opportunity to have sex. When you add children into the mix, libido plummets even more.
No matter your reason for not having much sex recently, you probably find it disappointing. Movies, books and TV often make it seem like sex is always a mind-blowing, torrid event. You may feel like something is wrong with you for not wanting to have sex all the time. However, these expectations do not reflect the reality that although sex is sometimes amazing, it is also sometimes just okay or even unappealing. It is normal to not want sex 24/7.
Low Libido Contributes to Infrequent Sex
When you have a low libido, it is easy to fall into the trap of simply not having sex. It may seem like the easier thing to do in the moment, but not having sex is ultimately detrimental to your sex life and your relationship. The term "maintenance sex" refers to the practice of having sex even if you don't really feel like it at first. The way each couple has maintenance sex may be different. If your partner has a higher libido than you, maintenance sex could be having sex when he or she feels like it, but you don't. If you both suffer from a lack of desire, maintenance sex could entail scheduling a sex night or two on your calendar every week.
Why would someone have sex when they don't feel like it? There are actually many benefits to maintenance sex. Of course, if your partner has a higher libido than you do, it will keep him or her sexually satisfied. But beyond simply pleasing your partner, it has other advantages. For one, it keeps you and your partner physically close. It gives you an opportunity to exchange physical affection, which keeps you feeling connected and happy. Plus, for many people, having sex more frequently can actually increase your libido. Sex drive can be a "use-it-or-lose-it" type of deal, especially in women.
Some people may think they have a low libido that can't be cured, but they simply have a different type of sex drive than others. The four stages of the body's sexual response start with the desire to have sex, followed by arousal, then orgasm and finally returning to normal. However, in many people, the desire and arousal stages are actually reversed. In other words, many need to be sexually stimulated before they can even feel like having sex.
Other Ways to Increase Libido
If you think you have a low libido, having maintenance sex is great for both you and your partner's relationship satisfaction levels. Consider implementing this practice in your sex life. Nevertheless, chances are you could benefit from other methods of increasing your sex drive. There are various lifestyle changes, sexual practices and herbal medicines that can help you out. Combine things from each of these categories together with regular maintenance sex, and chances are your sexual desire will shoot through the roof!
Lifestyle changes that improve libido include regular exercise, a healthy diet, plenty of sleep and healthy stress-relieving habits. Exercise improves blood flow, which helps you become physically aroused. A healthy diet will provide nutrients to prevent any deficiencies that could put a damper on your desire. Plenty of sleep not only prevents you from feeling too tired for sex, but it also decreases stress levels. Stress can very easily keep you from feeling in the mood.
Trying new things in the bedroom can make sex seem more appealing. A night away together in a hotel or bed-and-breakfast could be all you need, if your main problem is not having the time or privacy to make love. However, if you have plenty of opportunities to have sex and it still feels "blah," consider trying something new with your partner like new positions, sexual role-play, sex toys, or erotica.
There is much wisdom to be found in the various herbal folk medicines of the world. There are many plants that have been used for centuries to increase sexual desire, many of which are not well-understood by medical science. Examples of such plants include Panax ginseng, maca root, Ginkgo biloba, ginger and fenugreek. Taking a supplement that contains one or more of these herbs is not only surprisingly affordable, but can produce potent results.